Why Cheating Back on a Narcissist Hurts You, And Your Kids, Most
Is It Okay to Cheat on a Narcissist Who Cheated on Me — and Stay for the Kids?
Someone asked me this in a live session.
And I knew…
This wasn’t about morality.
It was about pain.
It’s the pain of being betrayed and wondering if giving it back will finally give you closure.
But here’s the truth:
1. Does Revenge Cheating Solve Anything?
Cheating on a narcissist may feel like taking your power back.
But what it actually does, is deepen the wound.
It keeps you stuck in the same emotional loop:
🔥 Hurt → 👊 Retaliate → 😔 Guilt → 🤯 Chaos → 🔁 Repeat
The more you mirror their behaviour, the more blurred your inner compass becomes.
The very thing you hated in them, you start seeing in yourself.
And instead of healing, you start surviving… just like they do.
2. Does Cheating Make You Like the Narcissist?
Let’s be clear.
You’re not a narcissist for reacting out of pain.
But ask yourself this:
“Am I trying to match their manipulation — or break the cycle?”
When your actions come from hurt, not values,
you feel further away from yourself, not closer to peace.
Narcissists cheat for power, validation, and ego.
You may be cheating to feel desired again.
But either way, it’s not love. It’s a trauma response.
3. “But I’m Staying for the Kids.”
Let’s talk about that.
Ask yourself:
Are the kids growing up in love, or a silent war?
Are they learning what healthy relationships look like?
Or watching you sacrifice your soul in the name of stability?
Children absorb energy.
Even unspoken resentment becomes a language they learn.
Even if you never fight in front of them, they feel the tension.
Staying together “for the kids” may teach them this:
“You should tolerate being unloved, if it looks respectable from the outside.”
Revenge might feel like relief for a moment.
But peace comes from choosing alignment.
Not payback.
Before You Decide:
You don’t have to be perfect.
But you do have to be honest with yourself:
🟡 “Is this helping me heal, or just hurt them back?”
🟡 “What do I want my children to learn about love?”
🟡 “Is there any peace in the life I’m choosing to stay in?”
Research shows it’s not divorce that harms children the most — it’s the chronic tension between parents that leaves lasting scars.
“Studies show that children raised in high-conflict households — even without visible fights — often develop anxiety, low self-esteem, and difficulties in forming secure relationships later in life.”
— Kelly & Emery, 2003, Journal of Family Psychology
Dr Dhivya Pratheepa
Somatic trauma-informed abuse recovery coach.