Why Do I Keep Attracting Toxic People?
I once had a client who’d been married twice.
Both times — she attracted toxic partners.
And both times — she blamed herself.
By the time she found me, she was divorcing her second husband — a narcissist — and drowning in shame.
“Maybe I’m the problem,” she whispered.
Maybe you’ve felt that way too.
💔 You promise yourself never again.
But somehow, the same pain finds you — just with a different face.
And you wonder:
“Why do I keep attracting toxic people?”
It’s not because you’re broken.
It’s because your nervous system memorized chaos as home.
So how do you stop attracting chaos?
You rewire your nervous system.
Because your brain doesn’t learn safety from affirmations —
It learns from repeated proof.
Nervous System Shifts That Protect You
Set Micro-Boundaries
Not all boundaries are big.
Try:
🟡 “I need an hour before replying to messages.”
🟡 “Let’s talk later — I’m not ready now.”
Each small “no” strengthens your safety muscle.
Without boundaries, the body thinks:
“This feels familiar — I guess it’s love.”
But with practice, your nervous system learns:
“This time, I choose peace. Not adrenaline.”
With every boundary, you prove:
“This time, I choose me.”
What happens next?
✨ Your panic reduces
✨ Amygdala calms
✨ Gut instinct sharpens
✨ You stop mistaking intensity for love
✨ Toxic people lose their hook
And here’s the best part:
Energy vampires?
They starve in the presence of your quiet, grounded “No.”
They move on.
You move up.
You don’t attract what you want — you attract what feels familiar.
Let’s make peace feel familiar again.
Dr Dhivya Pratheepa
Somatic trauma-informed abuse recovery coach.